I was a misogynist

I’ll confess. I’ve been angry.

I’ve been angry that guys have stopped receiving as many opportunities since girls are being hired and this displaces the workforce that has been predominantly male.

For the longest time, I believed that this was a bad thing as men are expected to be the provider in relationships and from a biological standpoint, women only tend to look upwards and select the “best” men out of the ones in the competition. It makes sense. Biologically, women must feel like they’ve picked the best to be secure and rear children.

I come from India where women were second-class citizens, dating was prohibited and any sort of affection displayed was seen as a weakness and with disgust. My understanding was that men have to be strong and need to get as many opportunities as they can to be strong. Women can afford to take a break from work and have a pool of suitors if they wish to settle. A guy cannot afford to do the same. We have to have a source of income to be a dependable force that can provide for the family. Having a job and being able to provide are pretty much the filter for even having a chance at relationships in India. Everything else comes second. My belief was that women have the opportunity to take a break and get married to someone they choose, however men do not.

With that being said, having women join the workforce not only displaces men in their career prospects but also renders them being thrown out of the mating pool entirely. The standards and pre-requisites for relationships have increased. The bar to meet for women has increased, and the diminishing support for men in being able to secure job opportunities and ways to make it for themselves render a significant portion of my generation un-date-able.

Offices and workspaces actively hire for unintelligible women in the place of actually competent men. It’s quite the shame and the blame lies with DEI and the company but more importantly, the knowledge that has been passed over generations labeling men to be dangerous and eventual rapists. You see it everywhere now, in movies, series, shows, etc. While the USA and western civilization has only started this venture of dehumanizing men, India has been doing so for generations now.

What’s changed #

Yet, recently, I’ve noticed change. In the USA, in India and in my ideology.

Ever since I’ve come to the USA, I’ve noticed that the women here are more independent, are competent at their work, and are confident in who they are. They’ve been provided opportunities to not be dependent on a man for tasks, and have been given the option to live independently and without someone to provide for them. They have options.

Unlike them, Indian women have only recently begun to see this future for themselves. The country is slowly evolving to become a more diverse workforce due to the nature of desk jobs and software. The newer generation of parents are more accepting and open to their children being allowed to date and explore due to exposure from western media and culture. Women are able to pay rent, stay away from their parents and actually get stuff done.

While I used to be able to see the benefits of this and do like that women are independent and more free, I also was extremely disparaging of this due to my belief that this is going to mess up societal structures and displace men and their opportunities to prove themselves. The pathway that I’ve seen the previous generations follow was breaking down and I didn’t see an easy path forward for the average male. During my childhood, I’ve been told to stay away from girls and they’ve been told the same but for guys. It’s just a conservative south indian household thing, I suppose. But, this slightly messed me up. It made me believe that we are different species entirely and that interacting with women was some sort of a sin. Atleast, until I grew up.

The turning point #

I came across this podcast with Patrick Bet-David and Scott Galloway on Why Young Men are falling behind, and it changed my views.

I’ve been so busy hating on the lost opportunities with women displacing men, due to the terrible economy that doesn’t let us get jobs, buy houses, buy good food, and just live, that I just didn’t realise that my hatred was misguided.

I was skeptical of Scott’s take that women doing good is a good thing because of my notion that we were playing a zero-sum game where women are taking away opportunities for men and then demanding that they receive more from men or they’ll just stay independent. The “my money is my money and your money is my money” pissed me off to no end.

I was proven wrong by Scott. He said a sentence that I’ve been thinking about ever since I heard the podcast: “The people who want good men and strong father figures ARE women”.

That… kinda changes things. All my life I’ve believed that women winning equated to men being displaced and losing opportunities for their career, love and family. It’s not a zero-sum game that has women winning and men losing. It’s not really a battle at all.

Honestly? the men of my generation have been dealt a bad hand. We struggle with the lack of jobs, increasing housing costs, ease of access to porn, endless content from the internet, global-scale competition, increasing standards for attractiveness that bleeds directly into dating apps that have displaced organic interactions and conversations. And for christians, the disappearance of church and community service from households has significantly impacted the areas where guys can prove themselves outside the academic coursework and grades.

None of that really is the fault of women. It’s just a bad hand dealt to us, and a lot of men have misplaced grievances against women for this. Including me. What has changed is that women are more independent, outgoing and open to conversation now. I find this to be an opportunity now.

Women now expect more from men. The standards have risen but that doesn’t mean that it’s a gate that blocks the entry of men. It’s more a bar that we must now reach by outperforming ourselves.

Placing in effort in building out a career for ourselves, carving out a story for our own futures, creating content rather than simply consuming it, working out at the gym and learning fashion to look better.

As much as I hate how the world is changing and this in turns means that men no longer have a stable route to success. It also means that times are changing and that we men must carve out our own opportunities.